"Yippie-kye-ay, Mister Falcon!" And Other EDITED FOR TV favorites

"This town is like a great big chicken just waitin' to get plucked.”
- Tony Montana (Al Pacino) from the edited for television edit of SCARFACE (1983) * (If you need to know the original line email the address below)



Usually I avoid when movies are shown on broadcast television because they're edited-for-time full-screen versions - I mean it's almost like they don't count. But sometimes when I come upon a movie I like when changing channels I've found they are sometimes worth watching for the re-dubbing of profane lines.




SCARFACE above, and THE EXORCIST are famous for their creative hilarious for-all-audiences re-toolings. Not content to just use 'freak' or 'freaking' the censors picked every other f-word (frozen, fruitful, foolish, etc.) in the dictionary to cover all the 'fucks' in a recent airing of FARGO. It's quite a different movie when you see Steve Buscemi yelling "you foolish people!" after being shot in the face you know?

These are some other funny examples:



THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)

Original line : "You see what happens Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass?"
- Walter (John Goodman)

Edited line : “You see what happens Larry when you find a stranger in the Alps?”

Also :

"This is what happens when you pump a stranger's gas!" and “What the frog?” – Barry (Jack Black)  

HIGH FIDELITY (2000)






THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998)

“Froggin’ ashpole”
- Ted (Ben Stiller) to Pat (Matt Dillon)



PLATOON (1986)

“Come on maggot farmer, move!”
- Pvt. Chris Taylor (Charlie Sheen)



SCARFACE (1983)

Original Line: "How'd you get that scar? Eating pussy?"
- Immigration Officer (Garnett Smith)

Edited Line: “how’d you get that scar? Eating Pineapple?” (also “pudding”)




THE USUAL SUSPECTS (1995)

Original Line: : "Hand me the keys you fucking cock sucker"
- spoken by all 5 suspects (Kevin Pollack, Stephen Baldwin, Benicio Del Toro, Gabriel Byrne, and Kevin Spacey) in the police line up.

Edited Line: "Hand me the keys you fairy godmother."




DIE HARD (1988)

Original Line: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"
- John McClane (Bruce Willis)

Edited Line: "Yippie-kye-ay, Mister Falcon!"






LETHAL WEAPON (1987)

2 lines both spoken by one of the candidates for MAN OF THE YEAR 2006 - Mel Gibson as lovable suicidal cop Martin Riggs :

"We bury the funsters!”
and
"I'm a real cop, this is a real badge and this is a real firing gun!"





GOODFELLAS (1990)

Original Line : "You're a fuckin' mumblin', stutterin' little fuck"
Tommy (Joe Pesci)

Edited Line : "You're a friggin' mumblin', stutterin' little fink."







THE EXORCIST (1973)

Original Line: "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!"-
Regan (Linda Blair) possessed by Pazuzu (voice - Mercedes MacCambridge)

Edited Line: "Your mother sews socks that smell!"



PULP FICTION (1994)

Original Line : "I got my eyes wide fuckin' open!"
- Jules (Samuel L. Jackson)

Edited Line: "I got my eyes wide focused open!"



ROBOCOP (1987)


"You're gonna be a real mothercrasher!"
- Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer)



Send your favorite 'edited for TV' lines to: Boopbloop7@gmail.com









So if Peter O'Toole was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving would his mug shot look an better or worse than the poster for his latest film?


Discuss.










And all I want to know about this movie is -

does it have a montage?






More later...

Appreciating Jack Warden (1920-2006)

"I happen to love this country. You know, we're not a bunch of zanies trying to bring it down!" - Harry Rosenfeld (Jack Warner - ALL THE PRESIDENTS MEN, 1976)

“Gruff but lovable” may be a cliched description befitting many a character actor but it seems today like it was coined solely for Jack Warden.

Warden, who died in a New York hospital a few days ago of heart and kidney failure at 85, leaves behind 50 years of TV and movie work including Oscar nominated turns in 2 of Warren Beatty’s seminal 70’s films – SHAMPOO and HEAVEN CAN WAIT, a gracefully befuddled President in BEING THERE, and acted as newspaper editor over not only reporters Woodward and Bernstein (Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman in ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN) but also performed the same task over reporters Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo (THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER). A former boxer, Warden epitomized the best friend/mentor role in many films. If a movie needed a rough on the outside – soft on the inside coach, agent, former army man, or any weathered wizened figure of authority he was the go-to guy. A few TV shows tried to bottle his charisma – he took Walter Matthau’s role on the short lived BAD NEWS BEARS TV show and had a 4 year run as a wacky detective on CRAZY LIKE A FOX but it is his film work that will be his true legacy. That is if we respectfully forget the dreck –like his appearances in all 3 PROBLEM CHILD movies for instance. In memory of one of the greatest character actors in film history here’s: 

5 Essential JACK WARDEN Roles

1. Mickey Morrissey (THE VERDICT Dir. Sydney Lumet 1982) The ultimate best friend/collegue part played to perfection. His raised voice advice to his tragically flawed lawyer friend Frank (Paul Newman) - "He's a good man? Heh, he's the Prince of fucking Darkness! He'll have people testifying they saw her waterskiing up in Marblehead last summer. Frank, don't fuck with this case!" 

2. Roy L. Fuchs/Luke Fuchs (USED CARS, Dir. Robert Zemeckis 1980) Sure this is a rude crude barely memorable Kurt Russell vehicle (didn't mean to make that pun) but Warden plays two roles - brothers. One good/one bad - the evil twin premise in early glory. 

3. Judge Francis Rayford (...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL, Dir. Norman Jewison, 1979) His crazy helicopter-piloting Judge character was an effortless yet edgy piece of work. Crusty insights abound as evidenced in this exchange with yet another disallusioned lawyer : Judge Rayford - "I found out what the meaning of life is." Arthur Kirkland (Al Pacino) - "What's that?" Judge Rayford - "It sucks." 

4. Julian Marx (BULLETS OVER BROADWAY Dir. Woody Allen, 1994) Warden did great work in 3 Woody Allen movies (the others being SEPTEMBER & MIGHTY APHRODITE) but his timing and presence as theater producer Julian Marx makes this list for ace delivery of lines like : "That dame doesn't have a nerve in her body. I don't think her spinal cord touches her brain." 

5. Harry Rosenfeld (ALL THE PRESIDENTS MEN Dir. Alan J. Pakula 1976) Famous Washington Post editor Rosenfeld was a great fit for Warden's mentoring mania - admonishing Woodward (Robert Redford) - "Sit down. You know I'm glad you asked me that question. The reason I'm glad you asked me is because if you had asked Simons or Bradlee they woulda said, "You know we're gonna have to fire this schmuck at once because he's so dumb". 

His brisk appointing was classic Warden as well - "Woodward. Bernstein. You're both on the story. Now don't fuck it up!" 

R.I.P. JACK WARDEN 9/18/20 - 07/19/06 

More later...

DVD Review: SEA OF LOVE (Collector's Edition)

The golden age of the “erotic thriller” genre was undoubtedly the '80s with the glossy ilk of such hits as FATAL ATTRACTION, NO WAY OUT, and the immortal BODY HEAT, but it became a joke in the '90s with such embarrassments as BASIC INSTINCT, BODY OF EVIDENCE, and well just about everything that has Joe Eszterhaus's name on it. My personal favorite of the genre was:

SEA OF LOVE (Dir. Harold Becker, 1988)

This was originally embraced as a return to form for Al Pacino after such forgetful fare as AUTHOR, AUTHOR and REVOLUTION in the first half of the '80s. It was indeed great to see him in a gritty sometimes even pathetic part as a hard drinking police detective dealing with divorce and obsessed with tracking a serial killer. The schlubby Pacino compares notes with partner John Goodman and they drunkenly decide to set up a sting operation through meetings with possible suspects made from personal ad connections. 

Ellen Barkin's character is the outgoing as Hell is-she-a-vixen?-is-she-not? parable that the plot hinges on. A lot of this is predictable and at times can be awfully generic plotting, but the amount of well placed and well paced humor, good acting, and sharp dialogue makes this still in 2004 a good watch. 

Also just about everyone in it is somebody you will surely know from something else: Samuel L. Jackson has a small part at the beginning, The West Wing actors John Spencer and Michael O'Neill, Six Feet Under's Richard Jenkins, and the always intensely creepy Michael Rooker from JFK and HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER all add to the must-see value of this mostly overlooked time-killer. Available on a Universal special edition DVD with Special Features including a commentary by director Becker and a few scratchy deleted scenes.

More later…