5 Things Spider-Man 3 Got Pretty RIGHT / 5 Things It Got Drastically WRONG

So yeah, I saw Sam Raimi's big new superhero sequel SPIDER-MAN 3, which opened last weekend. It's been getting tremendous amount of backlash - for example, Manohla Dargis of the New York Times called it "aesthetically and conceptually wrung out." Many others have lamented that the fun has gone out of the series, and while I wouldn't exactly say that, I do agree that it is a very mixed bag. Here's how mixed:





5 Things SPIDER-MAN 3 Got Pretty RIGHT: 



1. Much better special effects: In the first two installments, Spider-man (Tobey Maquire) web-slinging his way from building to building looked video gamey, and at times borderline absurd, but now has a fluid graceful believability. 



Nice to see that the reportedely most expensive movie ever has its money up there on the screen.



2. The Sandman: 

Thomas Haden Church is perfectly cast as escaped felon Flint Marco who accidentally fell into an experimental particle physics site that molecularly binds him with sand, so he gets fantastical shape-shifting powers. Like all the villains in the franchise he's really not evil deep down in his heart - he's just computer generated that way.



3. The Black Suit: Yep, shiny goth Spidey looks pretty cool. That was evident in the trailers from a year ago though. But no - I'm not gonna copy 'n paste that same ole brooding dark SPIDERMAN in "the thinker" pose promo photo and post it here.



4. Venom: Though only named in the credits - a satisfyingly scary villain (especially when he grits his teeth) albeit in a movie with one villain too many - damn I said I'd save the cons and there I went again. Anyway since the other half of this element is covered in the cons I'll just say this - Venom has bite. 



5. The obligatory yet hugely satisfying Stan Lee and Bruce Campbell cameos: Appropriately cheesy Spider-man creator Stan Lee's quick pep-talk appearance to a battered soul-fried Parker hits the spot - "You know, I guess one person really can make a difference...". You tell him Marvel Man! And wouldn't we all feel cheated if we didn't get Bruce Campbell for the third time to cameo? His pretentious French Maitre d' may not have anything on John Cleese in MONTY PYTHON'S THE MEANING OF LIFE but in this film it's one of the only bits of comedy that worked - "I love romance. I am French."



Now to let the disses truly fly: 



5 things SPIDERMAN 3 got drastically WRONG:



1. J.K. Simmons: As newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson Simmons was dead on in the first 2 installments but here his fast talking manipulative shtick is tired, unfunny and only annoys the audience every time he appears. 



Maybe it was Simmons' Simpsons appearance from last season that fully wore down the character - "stop the presses, send my wife some flowers, get me an Advil - what do you mean you don't work for me? You're hired! Now that you're hired you're fired. Now that you don't work here we can be friends - now that we're friends how come you don't call? Some friend you are!" I guess once the Simpsons has got you down your gig is up.

2. The Harry Osbourn (James Franco) amnesia subplot: As a writer I always dislike the "he lost his memory" plot-line that has been a longtime cheat of sitcoms, - Hell it made me swear off the show 24 forever. Despite that Franco sells it to the best of his ability, It's such lazy screenwriting to have Harry conveniently have his recent revenge fueled memory erased after such an unimpressive alleyway tussle with our hero.



3. Kirsten Dunst sings 2 songs: Yes, I know it's from the original comic that Mary Jane Watson is an aspiring actress, a wannabe Broadway singing star, but nobody, and I mean nobody, was buying a ticket to see her warble through two complete numbers. Show stoppers in the worst way.

4. The extended black gunk from outer space that turns Peter Parker into an asshole sequence: Yes, the black suit looks cool, as I noted above, but the gunk, an alien symbiote (some sort of parasite) coming from a small meteorite that attaches itself to Spidey's suit brings out the jerk in Parker in a painful sequence. Looking like strands of Twistler's candy dipped in tar - the ooze infiltrates Peter's nice guy mentality and promptly makes him strut around Manhattan with an entitled attitude, which makes him come on like Jim Carrey in BRUCE ALMIGHTY. This whole bit should have been a deleted scene. 



5. Topher Grace/ The Overall Bloat : I loop these together because as scary cool as Venom was and maybe that was because it's the only less-is-more element here - the entire Topher Grace origins of the character are lame, it comes in way too late in the story to have proper impact. Grace's overall smarminess is pretty hard to stomach too. 



The two and a half hour flick is crammed with too many incidental characters and go nowhere plot threads. Also, do we seriously need a scene of Franco and Dunst making an omelet? Repeated appearances by Peter's landlord and daughter Ursula? Really?! And did I mention Kirsten Dunst sings two full songs?!!? Okay, well at least I got that all out of my system.




More later...

Movie & TV Mind Teasers - A Film Babble Pop Quiz

It's film babble blog's 80th post! So I thought instead of the regular movie review babble I'd indulge in a sideline love of mine: MOVIE & TV MIND TEASERS! Here's the major unanswered questions in the realm of modern pop-culture in a quick 'n easy pop-quiz format:

1. What was in the briefcase in PULP FICTION?

2. What was in the package that Charlie Meadows (John Goodman) leaves in the care of Barton (John Turturro) in BARTON FINK? 

3. What state is Springfield in on The Simpsons? 

 

4. Why (or how) is Chance the Gardener (Peter Sellers) able to walk on water at the end of BEING THERE? 

5. How (or why) did Groundhog Day keep repeating to Phil Connors (Bill Murray) in GROUNDHOG DAY? 

6. What is the one thing that 13 CONVERSATIONS ABOUT ONE THING is about? 

7. Did Mookie (Spike Lee) do the right thing in DO THE RIGHT THING?

8. When the Fonz (Henry Winkler) moved in over the Cunningham's garage on Happy Days, did he actually pay rent? 

9. How on bloody Earth did those images get on that damn videotape in any version of THE RING?

10. Who killed chauffeur Owen Taylor (Dan Wallace) in THE BIG SLEEP? (Man, if you can answer this...)

EXTRA CREDIT: Who put the monolith on earth during the apes BC segment and on the moon in 2001 in 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY? God or Aliens? - Discuss. 

EXTRA EXTRA CREDIT: Why in Christ's name did Rose (Gloria Stuart) throw the extremely valuable necklace with the diamond into the ocean in TITANIC?!!? I mean it could have helped out her struggling artist daughter and funded further research on the damn boat sinking bullshit - for Christ's sake! Someone please explain it to me!!!! 

Send your answers to: filmbabbleblog@gmail.com 

More later...

Keeping Our Fingers Crossed - Movies To Look Forward To In 2007

“I do not understand this compulsion of mine for seeing movies, it almost seems as if movies are ‘in my blood’”
- Ignatious Reilly (from the novel Confederacy Of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole) 



Hey kids - here’s some things to look forward to (and get our hopes too WAY up for) in 2007:

THE SIMPSONS MOVIE (Dir. David Silverman) – Yep, I know there are a lot of cynics out there ragging on the alleged declining quality of the show and forecasting the worst for this long awaited project but I’m a hardcore fan of the Simpsons and I love the trailers and animatics clips that have leaked out and I’m psyched as Hell because of statements like these: "Since 2001 we'd been working to get a script that would be worthy of people actually paying to see the Simpsons" - Matt Groening

(Simpsons Creator and Guru) 



"I can absolutely guarantee that this film will far exceed the wildest expectations of every Simpsons fan. Start lining up at the theater now, preferably in costume." - Al Jean (Simpsons Executive producer) 



So there's that and the promised guest appearances of Albert Brooks, Joe Mantegna, and Kelsey Grammer (of course as Sideshow Bob) I’m pretty damn confident that this won’t be a big “D’oh!” 



I’M NOT THERE (Dir. Todd Haynes) – Yep, I know that this movie looks weird – I mean that's Cate Blanchett there as Bob Dylan during his 'goes electric' phase. So 6 different people (Blanchett, Christian Bale, Marcus Carl Franklin, Richard Gere, Heath Ledger, and Ben Whishaw) all act as Dylan throughout the various stages of his life - a trippy narrative professedly in the spirit of Bob’s most surreal songs. 



Many a cynic are already protestin' but I’m a hardcore fan of Dylan’s …oh wait I already played that hand. I’ll just say that I’ll be there for this movie’s opening and at the very least it shall be interesting.

SPIDERMAN 3 (Sam Raimi) – The trailers are dark, very dark with Spidey (Tobey Maguire again) in a black tar like parasitic suit. With Topher Grace and Thomas Haden Church joining on - who so totally (okay I'm going to refrain from italics the rest of this post) look to fit seemlessly into the Spiderman world. 



Not sure what exactly is happening plotwise in this one but an operatic spooky trilogy-concluder looks pretty assured.


BE KIND REWIND (Michel Gondry) – The Plot outline as presented on IMDb :

“A man (Jack Black) whose brain becomes magnetized unintentionally destroys every tape in his friend's video store. In order to satisfy the store's most loyal renter, an aging woman with signs of dementia, the two men set out to remake the lost films, which include Back to the Future, The Lion King, and Robocop.” 



On the IMDB message board someone by the handle of iloveduckie asks – “am i the only one who thinks this sounds awesome?” No you certainly aren’t.



 INDIANA JONES AND THE RAVAGES OF TIME AKA INDIANA JONES 4 (Dir. Steven Speilberg) – Can this really be happening? I mean Harrison Ford is 65 and the series seemed nicely tidied up with LAST CRUSADE (1989 - that's right 18 years ago!). 



Well come to think of it Ford still has the rugged deal goin' on and the promise of the return of Sean Connery, Karen Allen, and John Rhys-Davies (Sallah) does sweeten the deal. Still I know I’m not alone in praying those guys know what they’re doing. 



FILM BABBLE BLOG DVD PICK OF THE MONTH:





WHEN THE LEVEES BROKE – A REQUIEM IN FOUR ACTS (Dir. Spike Lee - HBO with a limited theatrical release, 2006) – More than halfway through watching this I half-assedely remarked to a friend over the instant messenger that it was “essentially a 4 hour version of Kanye West’s famous quote." * After watching the deal in it's entireity I must say that was a cheap statement on my part



A glib crappy sound-bite like quote like that might be acceptable from Entertainment Weekly or MediaMaggot but not from FILMBABBLE - yes, that's right I do have standards of some sort. Ill-defined as they are.

WTLB is a powerful heart breaking work that floors me over and over. 



It's great that there's no Michael Moore agenda setting narration from Lee - he just lets the citizens and officials speak (and do they speak) about the injustices done from the non-preparation and the non-reaction to Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. 



In addition to material he filmed from September 2005 shortly after the flood onward - Lee Utilises coverage from all the major networks, CNN & other cable outlets, police camera footage, text from bloggers, home made videos, BBC (in the commentary Lee exclaims "why was this story on the BBC? We weren't seeing this in the States!") and every other source you could think of. If you think this is biased - man, I 'd like to see what someone would put up as a 4 hour counter-point. Actually, no. I wouldn't like that prospect at all.

* If you have to ask what Kanye's 7 word remark after Katrina is maybe you shouldn't be reading this blog. 



More later...

Bringing In The New Years With Reviews And A Look At The Rubik's Cube Filmography

"Now I have seen a lot of movies. I've taken classes and have seen many of what people consider to be classics but I have to say that JACKASS 2 is the greatest movie I have ever seen!" - Overheard at the Blue Horn Lounge, Chapel Hill 2006 

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM FILM BABBLE BLOG! 

With hope 2007 will be a better year for movies than 2006. I mean it is very difficult to make a best of the year list (especially since there are many movies I have yet to see) but making a worst of list is as easy as 1,2,3 - those being: 1. SNAKES ON A PLANE 2. LADY IN THE WATER and 3. CLERKS 2. Maybe, I'll let you know what 4-10 are later. I've already spent a chunk of the new year in a dark dank theater and here's some of what I've seen:







CHILDREN OF MEN (Dir. Alfonso Cuaron) This movie kind of snuck up on all of us because of little to no publicity but it is buzzing rapidly now and may really soar come awards season. It sure deserves to - its an exhilirating yet rough ride well worth taking. Set in the grimy future of 2027 it depicts London as a warzone and the human race on the verge of extinction because of world wide infertility. 



Activists (Clive Owen and Julianne Moore doing their gritty best) struggle to protect the sole pregnant saviour (Claire Hope-Ashitey) and may have to sacrifice themselves to complete the mission. Some may be turned off by the harsh unpolished nature of this picture but I believe most will find CHILDREN OF MEN to be one Hell of an satisfying experience.



THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS (Dir. Gabrielle Muccino) This played at my theater for a few weeks before I saw it so I heard a lot of comments in the lobby. "Not enough happiness!" one lady exclaimed. It's about the pursuit you see... Essentially a series of worst case scenarios, HAPPYNESS deposits Ernest Will Smith and real-life son Jaden into a tale of the American dream gone sour in the Reagan era *. Based on the true hard luck story turned inspiration tome, hospital equipment salesman Chris Gardener (Will Smith) can't seem to get a break and neither do we watching his tedious trials. 



The movie does contain the best acting I've ever seen Smith do, the kid is cute, and the heart is in the right place so put me down for a 'liked it'. The lady was right, it seems. It could have done with more happiness. 



* One unwritten rule ('til now) is that every movie set in the 80's has to have a Rubik's cube in it. Another rule of the popular puzzle is if you want to show an audience that a character is smart, ambitious and can get the job done - show them quickly solving a Rubik's cube to the amazement of others.



THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS obeys both rules to a tee. Will Smith on his Oprah appearance to promote the film even proved he could solve it and did so during a commercial break. So since the 25th anniversary of the Rubik's cube came and went in 2005 with little notice (from me at least) I thought it would be a good time to pay tribute to the multi-colored brain teaser with a handy snappy list: 



THE TOP TEN RUBIK'S CUBE MOVIES AND TV FUNTIME LIST! 



1. THE WEDDING SINGER (Dir. Frank Coraci, 1998) Set in 1985 this Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore rom com definitively cast the cube as a time setting prop. Barrymore's bimbo ditz sister Holly (Christine Taylor) frustrated that she cannot solve the popular puzzle, declares that "no one will ever solve that thing." 



2. THE SIMPSONS (TV, 1989 -to when the show is no longer profitable) The Rubik's Cube has been featured in a number of episodes but probably the most notable was from "Homer Defined" (airdate : 10/17/91). Homer receving on the job training at the nuclear plant (in an 80's flashback of course) misses out on vital life-saving information because of his pre-occupation with the cube. 



3. DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? (Dir. Danny Leiner, 2000) Wikipedia tells me that in this Ashton Kutcher/Seann William Scott stoner comedy a Rubik's Cube serves as the MacGuffin. I'm sure Erno Rubik is very proud at the cinematic homage herein. 4. UHF (Dir. Jay Levey, 1989) - Used for a cheap sight gag involving a blind man trying to solve it with a homeless man's help, the cube ends the 80's in something resembling style - I mean this hit or miss Weird Al Yankovic vehicle did become a cult classic or at least something resembling one. 

5. DEATHTRAP (Dir. Sidney Lumet, 1982) There's not a single Rubik's cube in this witty thriller but check out the poster! Only a year after it hit the scene the cube is co-opted by movie ad campaign. Now that's marketing. 



6. THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR (TV 1990-1996) This makes the list soley because of the Will Smith HAPPYNESS connection. Smith solves the cube in moments during an interview for Princeton in an episode from the 90's staple. Just warming up I guess. 



7. ARMAGEDDON (Dir. Michael Bay, 1998) - NASA employs Rubik's Cubes as testing tools for astronauts in training. Did you know that? I sure didn't but after the over 2 hours wasted watching this Bruce Willis/Ben Affleck save the world monstrosity I'm glad to have learned something. 



8. RUBIK THE AMAZING CUBE (TV 1983-1984) - Christ, I forgot this existed! After watching some clips and reading the info on this quick cash-in cartoon all I cansay is it looks like complete crap. 



9. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (TV, 1975-FOREVER) SNL satirized the snazzy primary-colored pop fad several times but the funniest has to be Rubik's Hand Grenade - "maybe the last game you'll ever play" the announcer ominously concludes. 



10. ANCHORMAN : THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY (Dir. Adam McKay, 2004) Man, like just about everything else this movie gets the cube angle wrong. 



As noted on Amazon's lengthy goofs section: "The movie is set in the mid 1970s, but when Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) is crying about his dog, Bryan has a 2x2 Rubik's Cube on his desk. The famous 3x3 Rubik's Cube wasn't introduced in the U.S. until the 1979 Christmas season, and variations weren't introduced until the 1980s." Yep - it had to be noted because it'll surely happen again - the cube as anachronism. 



More later...

Let Them All Talk

Last night my brother and I were watching the new DVD - THE RIGHT SPECTACLE - THE VERY BEST OF ELVIS COSTELLO - THE VIDEOS (sorry - no IMDB link yet) and discovered that it has subtitles for Elvis's commentary track and not for the song lyrics in the videos. I thought that was odd at first but it seemed preferable to watch the videos with the subtitles on but Costello's voice commentary track off so the music wasn't obscured. It reminded me of that VH1 show - Pop Up Videos. My brother Dave said it was like what geeks at conferences call the backchannel - people attending a public event with laptops, meet in a chatroom to talk about the presentation/talk or whatever possibly ragging on the speaker/band/whatever. Sometimes, not often, the backchannel chatroom is displayed on big screen for all to see. He concluded by saying that commentaries are kinda like a backchannel, but later after the fact. This got me to thinking about commentaries. That and listening to the delightfully pretentious commentary on the DVD of Igmar's Bergman's 1967 classic PERSONA by Bergman historian Marc Gervais ("oh my goodness, personality disintegration!"). A lot of people never turn on the commentary track - indeed many directors, actors, and other participants can be heard saying "do people really listen to these things?" Well after getting a number of emails from film babble blog readers who said they were offended by my calling listening to commentaries "an extremely geeky process" in my August 28th post I see that many do actually listen to these things and I decided to pay tribute by listing :

10 Great DVD Commentaries

This is by no means a 'best commentaries ever' deal. I haven't listened to enough to judge that - I just enjoyed the Hell out of those below. Some great movies have bad commentaries I must say - GOODFELLAS has a track patched together from interview soundbites (to be fair the other track has the real Henry Hill with his actual arresting officer and that's actually pretty cool), THE PLAYER has a verbal tug-of-war between director Robert Altman and writer Michael Tolkin, and Quentin Tarantino can't seem to give commentary to save his life! Plodding through anecdotes unrelated to the action on the screen, Tarantino offers very few insights into RESERVOIR DOGS except to why his other films on DVD are commentary-less.

The best commentaries make it feel like you're hanging with the directors, actors, crew members or critics watching the movie while absorbing conversationally juicy back stories. Here's my 10 favorites:

1. CITIZEN KANE (Dir. Orson Welles 1941)

Yes, you should be skeptical of any movie list that begins with this movie but damn it this DVD has good fuckin' commentary! Whatever you may think of Roger Ebert, his spirited narration is surprisingly a lot of fun while being informative as Hell. Ebert offers that "oddly enough because it broke with all the traditions of editing and photography up until that time many audiences found that it looked anything but realistic. They were put off by the deep-focus photography, the use of long takes, the lack of cutting in order to tell the story, and the relying on movement within a scene" and that because of that "you have to be an active viewer when you look at CITIZEN KANE - it challenges you". Director and Welles friend Peter Bogdonovich presents a more scholarly and insiderly take on the film, while not as entertaining as Ebert's, is still worthwhile.

2. THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE (Dir. Joel Coen 2001) Just a few Coen Brothers movies have commentaries (BLOOD SIMPLE has Kenneth Loring of Forever Films delivering an odd play-by-play, while director of photography Roger A. Deakins does FARGO) but this track with Joel and Ethan Coen chatting it up with Billy Bob Thornton is absolutely hilarious. Notable because the movie alone is anything but hilarious. Discussing the stoical mannerisms of his barber character Thornton says "I know we're doing a DVD commentary but it's hard not to laugh about Ed Crane. Joel, Ethan, and I have a sort of weird relationship with Ed Crane. He's become this guy to us that just exists in our lives." He goes on to point out the "Ed nod" - Thornton: "Ed would always just accept the most horrible things with a tiny little nod." Joel remarks that the nod is "the biggest outward manifestation of Ed's personality." So as the movie goes on charting the "Ed nod" almost becomes a game - "here comes a classic Ed nod". Also amusing is when over a shot of Thornton sitting listening to Scarlett Johansson playing the piano, he asks "you notice something? Ed has a boner!" They all giggle. A lot of laughter for a dark morbid film noir piece from the Coens - seems oddly appropriate doesn't it?

3. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (Dir. Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, 1975)

2 audio tracks split between the directors (Gilliam, Jones) and the performers /writers (John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin) all the currently existing Pythons enhance this comedy classic with wonderfully amusing tales about where jokes originated, the hassles of cheap location shooting, and the contagious laughing at material that amazes them as well as us that it never gets old. Some random quotes -

Gilliam: "in England blood is called Kensington gore". (a simple google search confirms that this is indeed theatre slang about stage blood).

Palin: "Llamas - another Python favorite like moose, Nixon and fish of any kind".

Idle: "Michael Palin clearly had a very bad agent because he gets no close-ups whatsoever in this scene."

4. THE WAR OF THE ROSES (Dir. Danny Devito, 1989) You may scoff at this appearing on this list - but this being one of the first commentaries ever (recorded for an early 90's laser disc release if I'm not mistaken) Devito made the most of the warts-and-all approach for an essential listen. Consider how he starts off : "In 1933 this famous fox logo theme was written by Alfred Newman. In 1990 Alfred's son David Newman re-recorded it for WAR OF THE ROSES enabling it to have the final note of the theme segue into the overture of our film." Very few commentaries begin with that sense of purpose. It also seems appropriate that this Michael Douglas/Kathleen Turner dark marital disaster comedy is decorated by occasional Devito self-criticisms : "boy, do I look fat - look at me!"

5. JFK (Dir. Oliver Stone, 1991) The grand-daddy of all conspiracy films gets a passionate paranoid Stone audio guide that goes through its whole damn exhausting 3 hour + run. Theories on top of the theories in the movie abound : "If for example the hit had taken place in Miami it is quite possible what I'm trying to say that there was an Oswald that could of has a Miami identity in the same way that Oswald had a New Orleans and Dallas identity. They have people who have patsys ready to go." I'll take your word for it Oliver. Also you hear career defining statements like : "I don't care what they say, this is my GODFATHER! As far as I'm concerned NIXON is GODFATHER II for me and this is my GODFATHER I. I feel good about it even if nobody agrees."

The often un-remarked upon sentiment in JFK comes out best when Stone recalls that he wrote much of his own life strife with his soon to be ex-wife into the arguments that protagonist Jim Garrison (Kevin Costner) and his wife Liz (Sissy Spacek) had over how JFK assassination obsession had come between them. After Liz has stormed off, Jim escorts his kids (Sean Stone, Amy Long) out the front door and onto the front porch swing comforting them by saying that telling the truth can be a scary thing. Stone chimes in : "It's my Norman Rockwell scene, so leave it alone! Everyone has a right to their Norman Rockwell moment."

6. ELECTION (Dir. Alexander Payne, 1999) Payne gives good commentary. This is interesting from start to finish - the comparisons to the original novel, the pointing out of the "obsessive use of garbage cans", and most surprisingly his admitting when talking about Matthew Broderick - "his casting has for a lot of people played with his image, almost his iconography as Ferris Bueller, but not for me because I've never seen the film (FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF)." Another great commentary moment comes when Reese Witherspoon is setting up a table in the High School lobby by extending the legs one by one - "Tracy is introduced with straight lines - the chair legs. Careful viewers may want to go back and count how many chair legs." He says chair but it is definitely a table she's setting up and there are 5 separate shots of individual legs being extended - on a 4 leg table. Oh Alexander, you wacky cinematic prankster!

7. The Simpsons (1989-1996 Seasons 1-6)

I figured one TV show DVD set ought to make this list and while such worthy shows as The Sopranos, Mr. Show, Six Feet Under, and even Newsradio have fine commentaries - the chaos, the camaraderie, and fly-on-the-wall fun Simpsons commentaries contain blow them all away. Usually populated by series creator Matt Groening along with writers, producers, show-runners, voice-actors, and other relevant parties they come packed with statements like:

Jon Vitti: "You guys were very specific that we shouldn't come up with clever original tag-lines for Bart Simpson - they were supposed to be things he had heard from TV and repeated and then when the show got so popular it somehow seemed as if we were claiming these were original sayings. So I'd like to say that at the outset we never thought 'eat my shorts' was an original tag-line."
James L. Brooks: "I thought we weren't going to do mea culpas!"

A early classic - Bart Gets Hit By A Car - epitomizes how the show's themes have changed drastically from the financial pressured world the Simpsons used to live in as opposed to the pop culture parody social satire status of recent years. Marge blows a huge cash settlement and Homer goes into a dark funk. Confronted by his wife at Moe's Tavern Homer even says that he may not love her anymore. A dramatic moment is finally punctuated by his declaration: "Oh who am I kidding? I love you more than ever!" Mike Reiss (I think) responds "the writers being very offended including John Swartzwelder who wrote the episode saying 'why does he love her more than ever? We're happy to see it, ah - life goes on but why does he love her more than ever?"

But the cream of the commentary crop is "Marge Vs. The Monorail" from the 4th season - mainly because it was written by Conan O'Brien who contributes (albeit on satellite from New York while Groening and the other participants are in LA) a consistently funny commentary:

Conan: "I am the author of this episode. I created the character of Bart."

The stories about the conception of the episode get increasingly more amusing as the show progresses:

Conan O'Brien: "Originally when I wrote the episode the guest star was supposed to be George Takei (Sulu) from Star Trek. We contacted George Takei, just certain he would do it 'cause this was after Michael Jackson...I mean everybody was killing themselves to be on the Simpsons. We contacted George Takei and he told us he wouldn't do it because he was on the San Francisco Board of Transportation and he didn't want to make fun of monorails. We were just stunned and I was heatbroken. Then I came into work and Al said 'hey, we just got a phone call and George Takei and he won't do it but Leonard Nimoy will' - I remember thinking that's better!"

It sure was, Conan It sure was.

8. AIRPLANE! (Dir. Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker, 1980) This is a particularly funny commentary because after describing how much of the film was based narratively and shot-wise on the 1957 airport disaster movie ZERO HOUR and making fun of the cheap production values - "you can see tape holding the set together there!" - the directors (the Zucker bros. and Abrahams) run out of things to talk about and even start discussing other movies - "I saw GALAXY QUEST yesterday." Also notably towards the end of the flick they all state that they made a pact to never see AIRPLANE II - THE SEQUEL which was made by others. Wish I had made that decision.*

9. BOOGIE NIGHTS (Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson, 1997) Paul Thomas Anderson opens before the movie has properly begun with "Hey roll it - 'cause I'll tell you, you're listening to a guy who learned a lot about ripping off movies by watching laser discs with director's commentary. My favorite is John Sturge's BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK." Man, I'll have to check that one out. Interestingly enough after acknowledging the influence of Scorsese over the first scene with the long tracking nightclub shot Anderson declares that Jonathan Demme is his "most profound influence". There's a separate track with Anderson and various actors (Mark Wahlberg, Julliane Moore, John C. Reily, Melora Walters, Don Cheadle) recorded at diferent times - at Anderson's apartment with phones ringing, lighters flicking, and a lot of alcohol being consumed. While I don't usually like commentaries that are hodgepodges of different recordings - this one works because of actors comfortably speaking over their specific scenes relaying that apparently everyone enjoyed their wardrobe fittings as much as the actual shooting and the constant questioning by P.T. Anderson of the cast "was Luis Guzman stoned during filming?"

10. THIS IS SPINAL TAP (Dir. Rob Reiner, 1984)

Just to get it straight there are 2 different DVDs of this movie with notably different commentaries. How notably different? Well I'll tell ya - the CRITERION (1998) version (you know the company that does high-brow deluxe DVD editions of classic cult movies) has a commentary by Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer as well as a separate track by Rob Reiner with producer Karen Murphy and a few editors. The MGM special edition (2000) has a commentary by Spinal Tap (that is Guest, McKean, and Shearer in character). Since the Criterion one is out of print and copies of it go for $85.00 and over on Amazon we'll just concern ourselves with the MGM version.

Approaching the film with the oft-repeated "hatchet-job" accusation on its maker Marti DiBergi (Rob Reiner) - Nigel Tufnel, David St. Hubbins, and Derek Smalls (c'mon play along) have a lot of axes to grind 16 years later. On their first interview session in the film:

Nigel: "you know when he was asking us these questions you you remember we didn't know what he was going to say...
Derek: "and he had notes!"
Nigel: "yes, he had notes."
David: "That's not fair. That should have tipped us off."
Derek: "It's cheating! He had an agenda."

On David's current stance on his astrologically guided controlling girlfriend Janeane who shows up mid-way in the tour - "a turning point" says Derek:

David: When the millenium changed so did she."

On Derek being trapped in the stage pod which sabotaged the number "Rock 'N Roll Creation":

Derek: "This only happened once - why doesn't he (DiBergi) show any of the other nights?!!?"

When band manager Ian Faith and Nigel leave because of tension within the group, horribly mangled gig scheduling, and Janeane's ambitious infiltration David has this to offer about his girlfriend's managerial style when she took over from Ian:

David: "Things went more profressionally wrong."

In the final segment at one of the last shows on the tour Nigel returns to tell them that "Sex Farm" is a hit in Japan and would they consider regrouping. After some harsh words the band leaves with David and Nigel sharing a silent stare at each other. In the now reflective commentary which also is silent for a moment, St. Hubbins breaks the mood:

David: "You had me at hello". *

Post Note: The Zucker bros. and Jim Abrahams commentary for their follow-up to AIRPLANE! - the Elvis meets World War II spy thriller satire TOP SECRET! plays like the Onion's "Commentaries Of The Damned" - you know the AV Club's feature about less than worthy films adorned with inappropriate commentaries. For TOP SECRET! the filmmakers/writers complain about the movie never making a profit, how the slow pace ruins the jokes, and most amusingly they forget why they originally thought certain material was funny - a theater marquee for the film's protagonist Nick Rivers (Val Kilmer) says beneath his name "with time permitting - Frank Sinatra". "Why did we pick on Sinatra?" one of the Zuckers (I think) wonders out loud. Good question.

More later...

10 DVD Special Features Pet Peeves

Today, we take a look at DVD technology with:

10 DVD SPECIAL FEATURE PET PEEVES

Don't you just hate:

1. DVD's that don't let you skip trailers for other movies to get to the menu

2. Films that have their special features on a second one sided disc. There's no reason not to use both sides of one disc! Do we really need double disc editions of movies like DUPLEX or EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS? I don't think so.

3. DVDs that are so packed with extras - documentaries, deleted scenes, interviews, etc. But for some reason don't include the original theatrical trailer.

4. DVDs that only include the original theatrical trailer as a "special feature."

5. Does anyone care whether a DVD has a "collectible booklet" or not? Ever hear anyone ever say anything along the lines of "man, the special edition of GOLDFINGER has an awesome booklet inside?" I didn't think so.

6. Chapter Selection listed as a "special feature."

7. Photo galleries and written bio/filmographies. Uh - we have the internet thank you.

8. DVDs that have special features listed in their menus but when you go there it says "for special features insert disc 2." I mean come on!

9. That off setting pause while a layer switches during play. Some discs its less notable than others, but dammit it foreshadows another better format on the horizon I feel.

10. When directors talk about material in the commentaries that should be included on the DVD but isn't. 

For Example, AIRPLANE! had a lot of outtakes re-inserted in it's network TV debut but it is stupidly absent from the DVD, ROGER AND ME showed on PBS with a half hour sequel of sorts - a short called Pets Or Meat in which Michael Moore follows up on what happened to the people presented in the movie. It feels like a criminal act not to include it on the DVD.

One final mention - the original Simpsons shorts from The Tracy Ullman Show. Why weren't they part of the 1st season Simpsons DVD set? Why?!!? 

More later...