5 Sensational Simpsons Cinema Satires

With just under 3 days until the premiere of David Silverman's THE SIMPSONS MOVIE it seems like every pop culture site on this whole world wide web has a Simpsons list or celebratory article these days.



The Onion A.V. Club has a Simpsons list promised for every day this week - so far we've got Monday's Inventory - "15 Simpsons Moments That Perfectly Captured Their Eras",Tuesday's un-numbered "The strangest Simpsons products", and Wednesday's The Simpsons Vs. Civilization - all well worth checking out. 



Vanity Fair recently presented their "survey of the 10 funniest top 10 Simpsons episodes ever", The London Times chimed in with their "The 33 funniest Simpsons cameos ever", and even AOL Television did a 25 "Best Episodes Ever list". Whew!



Being a huge Simpsons fan (and yes, I would defend the recent seasons to anyone) I couldn't resist making my own list. This being Film Babble it should be cinema-centric and that presented an obvious concept : the best most definitive extended satires of a particular film. 



Now there are thousands of film references through-out the entire 18 year run of the classic show. Many characters come from the movies like failed salesman Gil who is a Jack Lemmon GLENGARY GLEN ROSS (Dir. James Foley, 1992) archetype, Chief Wiggum's voice and mannerisms are based on Edward G. Robinson, Apu is named after Satyajit Ray's THE APU TRILOGY, action star Rainer Wolfcastle is obviously based on Arnold Swartzenegger and so on and so on. 



It's hard to think of a movie that hasn't been name-checked and of course many episodes borrow plots, angles, full screen set-ups and quote exact lines and but these are to me the most notable whether they were full episodes or extended sequences satirizing specific movie classics: 



1. “Rosebud” ('93) : A few months back CITIZEN KANE (1941) * made the AFI's Top 100 list and this episode named, of course, after Charles Foster Kane's (Orson Welles) last word is Film Babble's #1 Simpsons Cinema Satire. Not just because it's a parody/homage to that immense immortal masterpiece but because it's a phenomenally hilarious episode that has deservedly made many lists. 



Evil nuclear power plant millionaire C. Montgomery Burns (The C. is for Charles - another similarity to Kane), who keeps a box of Nev-R-Break snow globes at his bed-side longs after his childhood teddy bear Bobo, much like Kane longed after his beloved sled. In a flashback we see that after being abandoned by the pubescent Burns (his father - "Wait, you've forgot your bear! A symbol of your lost youth and innocence!") Bobo has a historical journey involving a plane trip with Charles Lindbergh, a stay in Hitler's bunker, a trip on the submarine Nautilus before finally ending up in a bag of ice in the present day. 



Bart purchases the ice at the Quickie Mart and gives the old ragged bear to Maggie. Burns learns of the Simpsons possession and he offers a huge reward but standing by his daughter Homer refuses. Burns's ineptly funny attempts to steal back Bobo may not recall KANE and a good chunk of the show is the usual Simpsons riffing but the KANE context of the Burns Bobo back-story really puts this one on top. 



A cameo by the Ramones is the icing on the cake. 



"Rosebud" wasn't the first or last Simpsons episode to reference CITIZEN KANE. In the 1990 episode "Two Cars In Every Garage and Three Eyes On Every Fish" Burns protests "You can't do this to me! I'm Charles! Montgomery! Burns!" which obviously comes from "You can't do this to me! I'm Charles! Foster! Kane!" and in that same episode Burns stands in front of a big poster of himself during his campaign speech. 



In one DVD commentary the Simpsons staff remark half-jokingly that they have referenced KANE so much that you could recreate the film completely from Simpsons scenes and shot steals. 



2. “Cape Feare” ('93) Just a few episodes before "Rosebud" both the original CAPE FEAR (Dir. J. Lee Thompson, 1962) and the '92 remake CAPE FEAR (Dir. Martin Scorsese) got their episode length roasting over a Simpsons fire. Substituting Sideshow Bob (voiced by Kelsey Grammer) for recently released revenge minded Max Cady (Robert Mitchum '62, Robert Deniro '92) we get essentially the same narrative - A family is stalked by a man he once helped put in jail. 



The Simpsons in place of the Bowden family leave town and assume new witness relocation identities as The Thompsons and take up residence at Terror Lake. The whole ends in a showdown (actually a performance of Gilbert and Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore") on a houseboat. 



Also factor into the mix a slice of Hitchcock's classic 1960 thriller PSYCHO: Sideshow Bob stays at the Bate's Motel. A truly inspired episode but silly as can be - on the DVD commentary writer / producer Al Jean even says "when you look at Sideshow Bob and his master plan it really is just to stab this 10 year old boy! I mean when he gets to the boat it's not very subtle - 'I want to cut him until he dies!'"



There's that and this priceless Sideshow Bob line when defending his "Die Bart, Die" tattoo in court - "no, that's German for "The Bart, The!" 



3. “The Shinning” ('94) In this 8 min. segment of "Treehouse Of Horror V" THE SHINING (Dir. Stanley Kubrick, 1980) gets skewered. Burns has the Simpson family act as caretakers for his mansion in the mountains modeled meticulously on the Overlook Hotel in said Kubrick classic.



When told by Groundskeeper Willie that he has "the shin-ning", Bart replies "you mean "the shining!" Willie whispers "shh - you want to get sued?" When leaving for the winter Burns boasts about his cutting off the cable TV and the beer supply - Two things that Smithers argues may have been the reason the previous caretakers went insane and murdered their families.



Burns says "perhaps, if we come back and everyone is slaughtered - I owe you a Coke." Sure enough in almost no time Homer does go insane. The deconstruction of THE SHINING is a thing of genius here - Marge saying "What he's typed will be a window into his madness", the ghost of Moe prompting Homer to kill his family but having no real substantial reason for it - "uh, because they'd be much happier as ghosts." 



Then there's Homer's take on Jack Nicholson's over the top antics. When blowing his "Here's Johnny" intro because he chopped his axe into an empty room - he finally gets the right room and holding up a stopwatch yells "I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley, all this and Andy Rooney too on 60 Minutes!"



4. “Cosmic
Wars : The Gathering Shadow” from "Co-Dependent's Day" ('04)– This
one is a little odd. I mean STAR WARS (1977-2005) has been directly referred to in many many episodes (go here for a Simpsons Archive List) so to have a likewise film series with a look-alike director (Randal Curtis standing in for George Lucas) seems a bit off. 



Apparently they didn't want to name names because it deals with ridiculing the anticipation killing THE PHANTOM MENACE so the Simpsons creators didn't want to alienate or insult Lucasfilm and 20th Century Fox according to Wikipedia. I included it because is has some great prequel parodying moments when breaking down the numbing exposition and specifically satirizing Jar-Jar (Jim-Jam). "Cosmic Wars" only exists for a few minutes so it's one of many films within the Simpsons and is never mentioned after the episode (they go back to STAR WARS references) so it is a perfect example of what Matt Groening has called "flexible reality" or a "rubber-band universe" - in which something lasts as long as the joke does then the next day it's gone.





5. “Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(annoyed grunt)cious” ('97) The answer to stress so strong it's making Marge's hair fall out is for the family to get a nanny but not just any nanny MARY POPPINS! - No wait, make that Shary Bobbins. Julie Andrews was set to play the part but the producers decided on Maggie Roswell to take on the vocal duties of the sweet singing flying umbrella traveling, and just all around neat freak.



The episode is a complete musical and uses several melodies from the original 1964 Disney film. It goes back and forth from the respectful tributes in the songs to the crude satire of the cheap animation and outdated morale. In the end crude satire wins - Bobbins dies by getting sucked up in a passing airplane's jet engine while the Simpsons' backs are turned.





This episode reportedly had to have the most padding out of any Simpsons episode - an “Itchy and Scratchy” Quentin Tarantino parody “Reservoir Cats"” (pictured on the right) was a late addition.



That's the Top Five but special mention should be given to: “Bart Simpson’s Dracula” ('93), from "Treehouse Of Horror IV," a dead on spoof of BRAM STROKER’S DRACULA (1992) right down to Burns' hair-do. Contains better acting than the Coppola version for sure.

“Marge On The Lam” ('93) lampoons THELMA & LOUISE (Dir. Ridley Scott, 1991) 



“Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” to the tune of 101 DALMATIONS (1961)



“Deep Space Homer” ('94) steals its ending from 2001 : A SPACE ODDYSEY (1968).

Al Jean once said it was a close tie between the large amounts of CITIZEN KANE and Kubrick references on The Simpsons.



Maybe when the show is over we can take a tally. I've been trying to only deal with more extended parodies because there have been too many snippet steals from movies in the series run but Homer as the space-baby is just too hard to pass up. 

“Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield” ('96) - This magnificent episode's title and some of its inspiration comes from THIRTY TWO SHORT FILMS ABOUT GLENN GOULD but it's really more PULP FICTION as many have acknowledged before me and will again. And so on and so forth. The next time I post will be after I see THE SIMPSONS MOVIE and I will give you a full review. Until then may a noble spirit embiggen your soul. 



More later...

Let Them All Talk

Last night my brother and I were watching the new DVD - THE RIGHT SPECTACLE - THE VERY BEST OF ELVIS COSTELLO - THE VIDEOS (sorry - no IMDB link yet) and discovered that it has subtitles for Elvis's commentary track and not for the song lyrics in the videos. I thought that was odd at first but it seemed preferable to watch the videos with the subtitles on but Costello's voice commentary track off so the music wasn't obscured. It reminded me of that VH1 show - Pop Up Videos. My brother Dave said it was like what geeks at conferences call the backchannel - people attending a public event with laptops, meet in a chatroom to talk about the presentation/talk or whatever possibly ragging on the speaker/band/whatever. Sometimes, not often, the backchannel chatroom is displayed on big screen for all to see. He concluded by saying that commentaries are kinda like a backchannel, but later after the fact. This got me to thinking about commentaries. That and listening to the delightfully pretentious commentary on the DVD of Igmar's Bergman's 1967 classic PERSONA by Bergman historian Marc Gervais ("oh my goodness, personality disintegration!"). A lot of people never turn on the commentary track - indeed many directors, actors, and other participants can be heard saying "do people really listen to these things?" Well after getting a number of emails from film babble blog readers who said they were offended by my calling listening to commentaries "an extremely geeky process" in my August 28th post I see that many do actually listen to these things and I decided to pay tribute by listing :

10 Great DVD Commentaries

This is by no means a 'best commentaries ever' deal. I haven't listened to enough to judge that - I just enjoyed the Hell out of those below. Some great movies have bad commentaries I must say - GOODFELLAS has a track patched together from interview soundbites (to be fair the other track has the real Henry Hill with his actual arresting officer and that's actually pretty cool), THE PLAYER has a verbal tug-of-war between director Robert Altman and writer Michael Tolkin, and Quentin Tarantino can't seem to give commentary to save his life! Plodding through anecdotes unrelated to the action on the screen, Tarantino offers very few insights into RESERVOIR DOGS except to why his other films on DVD are commentary-less.

The best commentaries make it feel like you're hanging with the directors, actors, crew members or critics watching the movie while absorbing conversationally juicy back stories. Here's my 10 favorites:

1. CITIZEN KANE (Dir. Orson Welles 1941)

Yes, you should be skeptical of any movie list that begins with this movie but damn it this DVD has good fuckin' commentary! Whatever you may think of Roger Ebert, his spirited narration is surprisingly a lot of fun while being informative as Hell. Ebert offers that "oddly enough because it broke with all the traditions of editing and photography up until that time many audiences found that it looked anything but realistic. They were put off by the deep-focus photography, the use of long takes, the lack of cutting in order to tell the story, and the relying on movement within a scene" and that because of that "you have to be an active viewer when you look at CITIZEN KANE - it challenges you". Director and Welles friend Peter Bogdonovich presents a more scholarly and insiderly take on the film, while not as entertaining as Ebert's, is still worthwhile.

2. THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE (Dir. Joel Coen 2001) Just a few Coen Brothers movies have commentaries (BLOOD SIMPLE has Kenneth Loring of Forever Films delivering an odd play-by-play, while director of photography Roger A. Deakins does FARGO) but this track with Joel and Ethan Coen chatting it up with Billy Bob Thornton is absolutely hilarious. Notable because the movie alone is anything but hilarious. Discussing the stoical mannerisms of his barber character Thornton says "I know we're doing a DVD commentary but it's hard not to laugh about Ed Crane. Joel, Ethan, and I have a sort of weird relationship with Ed Crane. He's become this guy to us that just exists in our lives." He goes on to point out the "Ed nod" - Thornton: "Ed would always just accept the most horrible things with a tiny little nod." Joel remarks that the nod is "the biggest outward manifestation of Ed's personality." So as the movie goes on charting the "Ed nod" almost becomes a game - "here comes a classic Ed nod". Also amusing is when over a shot of Thornton sitting listening to Scarlett Johansson playing the piano, he asks "you notice something? Ed has a boner!" They all giggle. A lot of laughter for a dark morbid film noir piece from the Coens - seems oddly appropriate doesn't it?

3. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (Dir. Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, 1975)

2 audio tracks split between the directors (Gilliam, Jones) and the performers /writers (John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin) all the currently existing Pythons enhance this comedy classic with wonderfully amusing tales about where jokes originated, the hassles of cheap location shooting, and the contagious laughing at material that amazes them as well as us that it never gets old. Some random quotes -

Gilliam: "in England blood is called Kensington gore". (a simple google search confirms that this is indeed theatre slang about stage blood).

Palin: "Llamas - another Python favorite like moose, Nixon and fish of any kind".

Idle: "Michael Palin clearly had a very bad agent because he gets no close-ups whatsoever in this scene."

4. THE WAR OF THE ROSES (Dir. Danny Devito, 1989) You may scoff at this appearing on this list - but this being one of the first commentaries ever (recorded for an early 90's laser disc release if I'm not mistaken) Devito made the most of the warts-and-all approach for an essential listen. Consider how he starts off : "In 1933 this famous fox logo theme was written by Alfred Newman. In 1990 Alfred's son David Newman re-recorded it for WAR OF THE ROSES enabling it to have the final note of the theme segue into the overture of our film." Very few commentaries begin with that sense of purpose. It also seems appropriate that this Michael Douglas/Kathleen Turner dark marital disaster comedy is decorated by occasional Devito self-criticisms : "boy, do I look fat - look at me!"

5. JFK (Dir. Oliver Stone, 1991) The grand-daddy of all conspiracy films gets a passionate paranoid Stone audio guide that goes through its whole damn exhausting 3 hour + run. Theories on top of the theories in the movie abound : "If for example the hit had taken place in Miami it is quite possible what I'm trying to say that there was an Oswald that could of has a Miami identity in the same way that Oswald had a New Orleans and Dallas identity. They have people who have patsys ready to go." I'll take your word for it Oliver. Also you hear career defining statements like : "I don't care what they say, this is my GODFATHER! As far as I'm concerned NIXON is GODFATHER II for me and this is my GODFATHER I. I feel good about it even if nobody agrees."

The often un-remarked upon sentiment in JFK comes out best when Stone recalls that he wrote much of his own life strife with his soon to be ex-wife into the arguments that protagonist Jim Garrison (Kevin Costner) and his wife Liz (Sissy Spacek) had over how JFK assassination obsession had come between them. After Liz has stormed off, Jim escorts his kids (Sean Stone, Amy Long) out the front door and onto the front porch swing comforting them by saying that telling the truth can be a scary thing. Stone chimes in : "It's my Norman Rockwell scene, so leave it alone! Everyone has a right to their Norman Rockwell moment."

6. ELECTION (Dir. Alexander Payne, 1999) Payne gives good commentary. This is interesting from start to finish - the comparisons to the original novel, the pointing out of the "obsessive use of garbage cans", and most surprisingly his admitting when talking about Matthew Broderick - "his casting has for a lot of people played with his image, almost his iconography as Ferris Bueller, but not for me because I've never seen the film (FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF)." Another great commentary moment comes when Reese Witherspoon is setting up a table in the High School lobby by extending the legs one by one - "Tracy is introduced with straight lines - the chair legs. Careful viewers may want to go back and count how many chair legs." He says chair but it is definitely a table she's setting up and there are 5 separate shots of individual legs being extended - on a 4 leg table. Oh Alexander, you wacky cinematic prankster!

7. The Simpsons (1989-1996 Seasons 1-6)

I figured one TV show DVD set ought to make this list and while such worthy shows as The Sopranos, Mr. Show, Six Feet Under, and even Newsradio have fine commentaries - the chaos, the camaraderie, and fly-on-the-wall fun Simpsons commentaries contain blow them all away. Usually populated by series creator Matt Groening along with writers, producers, show-runners, voice-actors, and other relevant parties they come packed with statements like:

Jon Vitti: "You guys were very specific that we shouldn't come up with clever original tag-lines for Bart Simpson - they were supposed to be things he had heard from TV and repeated and then when the show got so popular it somehow seemed as if we were claiming these were original sayings. So I'd like to say that at the outset we never thought 'eat my shorts' was an original tag-line."
James L. Brooks: "I thought we weren't going to do mea culpas!"

A early classic - Bart Gets Hit By A Car - epitomizes how the show's themes have changed drastically from the financial pressured world the Simpsons used to live in as opposed to the pop culture parody social satire status of recent years. Marge blows a huge cash settlement and Homer goes into a dark funk. Confronted by his wife at Moe's Tavern Homer even says that he may not love her anymore. A dramatic moment is finally punctuated by his declaration: "Oh who am I kidding? I love you more than ever!" Mike Reiss (I think) responds "the writers being very offended including John Swartzwelder who wrote the episode saying 'why does he love her more than ever? We're happy to see it, ah - life goes on but why does he love her more than ever?"

But the cream of the commentary crop is "Marge Vs. The Monorail" from the 4th season - mainly because it was written by Conan O'Brien who contributes (albeit on satellite from New York while Groening and the other participants are in LA) a consistently funny commentary:

Conan: "I am the author of this episode. I created the character of Bart."

The stories about the conception of the episode get increasingly more amusing as the show progresses:

Conan O'Brien: "Originally when I wrote the episode the guest star was supposed to be George Takei (Sulu) from Star Trek. We contacted George Takei, just certain he would do it 'cause this was after Michael Jackson...I mean everybody was killing themselves to be on the Simpsons. We contacted George Takei and he told us he wouldn't do it because he was on the San Francisco Board of Transportation and he didn't want to make fun of monorails. We were just stunned and I was heatbroken. Then I came into work and Al said 'hey, we just got a phone call and George Takei and he won't do it but Leonard Nimoy will' - I remember thinking that's better!"

It sure was, Conan It sure was.

8. AIRPLANE! (Dir. Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker, 1980) This is a particularly funny commentary because after describing how much of the film was based narratively and shot-wise on the 1957 airport disaster movie ZERO HOUR and making fun of the cheap production values - "you can see tape holding the set together there!" - the directors (the Zucker bros. and Abrahams) run out of things to talk about and even start discussing other movies - "I saw GALAXY QUEST yesterday." Also notably towards the end of the flick they all state that they made a pact to never see AIRPLANE II - THE SEQUEL which was made by others. Wish I had made that decision.*

9. BOOGIE NIGHTS (Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson, 1997) Paul Thomas Anderson opens before the movie has properly begun with "Hey roll it - 'cause I'll tell you, you're listening to a guy who learned a lot about ripping off movies by watching laser discs with director's commentary. My favorite is John Sturge's BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK." Man, I'll have to check that one out. Interestingly enough after acknowledging the influence of Scorsese over the first scene with the long tracking nightclub shot Anderson declares that Jonathan Demme is his "most profound influence". There's a separate track with Anderson and various actors (Mark Wahlberg, Julliane Moore, John C. Reily, Melora Walters, Don Cheadle) recorded at diferent times - at Anderson's apartment with phones ringing, lighters flicking, and a lot of alcohol being consumed. While I don't usually like commentaries that are hodgepodges of different recordings - this one works because of actors comfortably speaking over their specific scenes relaying that apparently everyone enjoyed their wardrobe fittings as much as the actual shooting and the constant questioning by P.T. Anderson of the cast "was Luis Guzman stoned during filming?"

10. THIS IS SPINAL TAP (Dir. Rob Reiner, 1984)

Just to get it straight there are 2 different DVDs of this movie with notably different commentaries. How notably different? Well I'll tell ya - the CRITERION (1998) version (you know the company that does high-brow deluxe DVD editions of classic cult movies) has a commentary by Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer as well as a separate track by Rob Reiner with producer Karen Murphy and a few editors. The MGM special edition (2000) has a commentary by Spinal Tap (that is Guest, McKean, and Shearer in character). Since the Criterion one is out of print and copies of it go for $85.00 and over on Amazon we'll just concern ourselves with the MGM version.

Approaching the film with the oft-repeated "hatchet-job" accusation on its maker Marti DiBergi (Rob Reiner) - Nigel Tufnel, David St. Hubbins, and Derek Smalls (c'mon play along) have a lot of axes to grind 16 years later. On their first interview session in the film:

Nigel: "you know when he was asking us these questions you you remember we didn't know what he was going to say...
Derek: "and he had notes!"
Nigel: "yes, he had notes."
David: "That's not fair. That should have tipped us off."
Derek: "It's cheating! He had an agenda."

On David's current stance on his astrologically guided controlling girlfriend Janeane who shows up mid-way in the tour - "a turning point" says Derek:

David: When the millenium changed so did she."

On Derek being trapped in the stage pod which sabotaged the number "Rock 'N Roll Creation":

Derek: "This only happened once - why doesn't he (DiBergi) show any of the other nights?!!?"

When band manager Ian Faith and Nigel leave because of tension within the group, horribly mangled gig scheduling, and Janeane's ambitious infiltration David has this to offer about his girlfriend's managerial style when she took over from Ian:

David: "Things went more profressionally wrong."

In the final segment at one of the last shows on the tour Nigel returns to tell them that "Sex Farm" is a hit in Japan and would they consider regrouping. After some harsh words the band leaves with David and Nigel sharing a silent stare at each other. In the now reflective commentary which also is silent for a moment, St. Hubbins breaks the mood:

David: "You had me at hello". *

Post Note: The Zucker bros. and Jim Abrahams commentary for their follow-up to AIRPLANE! - the Elvis meets World War II spy thriller satire TOP SECRET! plays like the Onion's "Commentaries Of The Damned" - you know the AV Club's feature about less than worthy films adorned with inappropriate commentaries. For TOP SECRET! the filmmakers/writers complain about the movie never making a profit, how the slow pace ruins the jokes, and most amusingly they forget why they originally thought certain material was funny - a theater marquee for the film's protagonist Nick Rivers (Val Kilmer) says beneath his name "with time permitting - Frank Sinatra". "Why did we pick on Sinatra?" one of the Zuckers (I think) wonders out loud. Good question.

More later...

100 Years, 100 Better Quotes

The American Film Institute just unveiled another mighty list - this one is of 100 movie quotes :

AFI'S 100 YEARS, 100 MOVIE QUOTES

Thinking that many of the lines while great are too obvious we here at film babble compiled an alternate list. 



Some lines come from the same movies, some are more profane but all are ones we cherish more than the AFI's precious official annointing. Enjoy!



FILM BABBLE BLOG'S 100 YEARS, 100 BETTER QUOTES



1. Girl: "What're you rebelling against, Johnny?"
Johnny Strabbler (Marlon Brando): "Whaddya got?"
- THE WILD ONE (1953) Can't believe this didn't make the AFI's list! Heh - losers.



2. "My teenage angst now has a body count" - Veronica Sawyer (Winnona Ryder) HEATHERS (1989)



3. "Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet." - The Wolf (Harvey Keitel) PULP FICTION (1994)





     

4. "You aren't too bright. I like that in a man. " - Matty (Kathleen Turner) BODY HEAT (1981)



5. "We figured there was too much happiness here for just the two of us, so we figured the next logical step was to have us a critter." - H.I. (Nicolas Cage) RAISING ARIZONA (1987)



6. "Into the mud, scum queen!" - Dr. Hfuhruhurr (Steve Martin) THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS (1982)



7. "I don't know, I'm making this up as I go. " - Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)



8. "Mother! Oh God, mother! Blood! Blood!" - Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) PSYCHO (1960)




9. "But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?" - Tommy (Joe Pesci) GOODFELLAS (1990)



10. "Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." - Harry Lime (Orson Welles) THE THIRD MAN (1949)



11. "I'll show you a life of the mind!" - Charlie Meadows (John Goodman) BARTON FINK (1991)



12. "These go to eleven" - Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest) THIS IS SPINAL TAP (1984)



13. "All I'm saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life - remind me to kill myself." - Randall 'Pink' Floyd (Jason London) DAZED AND CONFUSED (1993)



14. "One of us, one of us!" - A freak from FREAKS (1932)



15. "Who did the president, who killed Kennedy, fuck man! It's a mystery! It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma! The fuckin' shooters don't even know! Don't you get it?" - David Ferrie (Joe Pesci) JFK (1991)



16. "His brain has not only been washed, as they say... It has been dry cleaned." Dr. Yen Lo (Khigh Dheigh) THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1960)



17. "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." - Lloyd Dobbler (John Cusack) SAY ANYTHING (1988)



18. "Oh please, if everyone around here is going to start telling the truth, I'm going to bed."
- Jackie O. (PARKER POSEY) HOUSE OF YES (1997)



19. "Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo." - Fletch (Chevy Chase) FLETCH (1985)



20. " I'm a goddamn marvel of modern science." - McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST 1975



21. " Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!" - The Dude (Jeff Bridges) THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)

22. "Sticks and stones may break your bones but words cause permanent damage." - Barry (Eric Bogosian) TALK RADIO (1988)



23. "I will not be ignored, Dan!" - Alex Forrest (Glenn Close) FATAL ATTRACTION (1987)



24. "This is so bad it's gone from good back to bad again" - Enid (Thora Birch) GHOST WORLD (2001)



25. "Why do I hear 50 thousand dollars worth of pyscho-therapy dialing 911?" - Gabe (Woody Allen) HUSBANDS AND WIVES (1992)



26. "Well, then, I just HATE you... and I hate your... ass... FACE!" - Corky St. Clair (Christopher Guest) WAITING FOR GUFFMAN (1996)



27. "You see, if it bends, it works. If it breaks, it doesn't work." - Lester (Alan Alda) CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS (1989)







28. "One through nine, no maybes, no supposes, no fractions. You can't travel in space, you can't go out into space, you know, without, like, you know, uh, with fractions - what are you going to land on - one-quarter, three-eighths? What are you going to do when you go from here to Venus or something? That's dialectic physics." - Photojournalist (Dennis Hopper) APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)



29. "Don't call me chicken" - Jim Stark (James Dean) REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955)



30. "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" - Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) CLERKS (1994)



31. "I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had" - Arthur (Dudley Moore) ARTHUR (1981)




32. "So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?" - John Bender (Judd Nelson) THE BREAKFAST CLUB (1985)



33. "I am not your problem to solve!" - Alice Green (Meg Ryan) WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN (1994)



34. "Why are frogs falling from the sky?" - Phil Parma (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) MAGNOLIA (1999)



35. Gonzo (Dave Goelz): "Well, I want to go to Bombay, India to become a movie star."
Fozzie (Frank Oz): "You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star. You go where we're going, Hollywood." Gonzo: "Well, sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way."
- THE MUPPET MOVIE (1978)



36. "If Mike Tyson dreams about whuppin' my ass , he better wake up and apologize."
- SWEET WILLIE DICK (Robin Harris) DO THE RIGHT THING (1989) - Tarantino used a variation of this line in RESERVOIR DOGS 1992- "You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize." - Mr. White (Harvey Keitel)



37. "I am so glad that I got sober now so I can be hyper-conscious for this series of humiliations." - Suzanne (Merle Streep) POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE (1990)



38. "Nothing happens in the world? Are you out of your fucking mind? People are murdered every day. There's genocide, war, corruption. Every fucking day, somewhere in the world, somebody sacrifices his life to save someone else. Every fucking day, someone, somewhere makes a conscious decision to destroy someone else. People find love, people lose it. For Christ's sake, a child watches her mother beaten to death on the steps of a church. Someone goes hungry. Somebody else betrays his best friend for a woman. If you can't find that stuff in life, then you, my friend, don't know crap about life. And why the FUCK are you wasting my two precious hours with your movie? I don't have any use for it. I don't have any bloody use for it."
- Robert McNee (Brian Cox) ADAPTATION (2001)



39. "I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker!" - Budduskey (Jack Nicholson) THE LAST DETAIL 1973






40. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." - Tony Montana (Al Pacino) SCARFACE (1983)



41. "Where does he get those wonderful toys?" -The Joker (Jack Nicholson) BATMAN (1989)



42. "Come on, fellas. Rome wasn't built in a day." - Coach Morris Buttermaker (Walter Matthau) "Yeah, it took several hundred years." -Ogilvie ( Alfred Lutter III)
BAD NEWS BEARS (1976)






43. "Harold, *everyone* has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much."
- Maude (Ruth Gordon) HAROLD AND MAUDE (1971)



44. "Make like a tree...and get outta here." - Biff (Thomas F. Wilson) BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)



45. "I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around." - Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (R. Lee Ermey) FULL METAL JACKET (1986)



46. "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best." - Boris (Woody Allen) LOVE AND DEATH

47. "You're right, I did lose a million dollars last year. I expect to lose a million dollars this year. I expect to lose a million dollars *next* year. You know, Mr. Thatcher, at the rate of a million dollars a year, I'll have to close this place in... 60 years. - Charles Foster Kane (Orson Welles) CITIZEN KANE (1941)



48. "Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?" - Aaron Altman (Albert Brooks) BROADCAST NEWS (1987)



49. "Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in." - Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) GODFATHER PART III - Funny how everyone's least favorite GODFATHER film has one of the most quoted lines., huh?



50. "You have clearance Clarence, roger Roger, what's our vector Victor?" - Captain Clarence Oveur (Peter Graves) AIRPLANE! (1980) - You gotta admit this is better than the 'Shirley' line.



51. "Only one is a wanderer; two together are always going somewhere." - Madeleine (Kim Novak) VERTIGO (1958)






52. "The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club." - Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) FIGHT CLUB (1999)



53. "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me me." - God (George Burns) OH GOD (1977)





54. Sam Burns (John Lithgow) - "You're a very rude young woman. I know Douglas from the Rotary and I can't believe he'd want you treating customers so badly." Checkout Girl : "I don't think I was treating her badly." Sam Burns : "Then you must be from New York." - TERMS OF ENDEARMENT (1983)



55. "If you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, do you know what's gonna happen to you?...You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company." - Colonel Bat Guano (Keenen Wynn) DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)



56. "I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?" - Tess McGill (Melanie Griffith) WORKING GIRL (1988)



57. "That is one nutty hospital." - Jeff (Bill Murray) TOOTSIE (1982)



58. "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way." - Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner) WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT (1988)



59. "Roads? Where we're going we don't need - roads." - Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)



60. "He's got a real purty mouth, ain't he?" - Toothle



61. "They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God." -Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd) THE BLUES BROTHERS (1980)

62. "It's okay with me." - Philip Marlowe (Elliot Gould) THE LONG GOODBYE (1973)



63. "Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy." - Written on a piece of a paper recited by some dude in SLACKER (1991) - also quoted in R.E.M.'s "What's The Frequency Kenneth" - "Richard said, Withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy".



64. "Back and to the left." - Jim Garrison (Kevin Costner) JFK (1991)



65. "Worry is like interest paid in advance on a debt that never comes due." - George Lang (Ricky Jay) THE SPANISH PRISONER (1997)



66. "It really tied the room together" - just about everybody in THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1997)



67. "What in the wide world of sports is going on here?!!?" - Taggart (Slim Pickens) BLAZZING SADDLES (1974)



68. "I've got a bad feeling about this" - Luke Skywalker(Mark Hamil), Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Obi Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), C-3PO (Anthony Daniels, Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams), etc. said in every STAR WARS movie (1977-2005)



69. "Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion." - Kitty Farmer (Beth Grant) DONNIE DARKO (2001)



70. "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." - Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin) THE PRINCESS BRIDE (1987)



71. "I believe in the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days." - Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) BULL DURHAM (1987)



72. "As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll." - Mick Shrimpton (R.J. Parnell) THIS IS SPINAL TAP (1984)






73. "Ah Kirk, my old friend. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space." - Khan (Ricardo Montalban) STAR TREK II : THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982)



74. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF (1986)



75. "I think you're the opposite of a paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you." - Harry Block (Woody Allen) DECONSTRUCTING HARRY (1997)



76. "Human sacrifices, dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!" - Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) GHOST BUSTERS (1984)



77. "Pimps is an ugly word. We could call ourselves love brokers!" - Bill Blazejowski (Michael Keaton) NIGHT SHIFT (1981)



78. "Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here." - Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) AMERICAN BEAUTY (1999)



79. "Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it." - Oscar Madison (Walter Matthau) THE ODD COUPLE (1968)



80. "I'd buy that for a dollar!" - Bixby Snyder (S.D. Nemeth) ROBOCOP (1988)



81. Superman (Christopher Reeve) : "Is that how a warped brain like yours gets its kicks? By planning the death of innocent people?
Lex Luther (Gene Hackman) : "No, by causing the death of innocent people."
SUPERMAN : THE MOVIE (1978)



82. "Strange game--the only winning move is not to play." - Joshua (computer) WAR GAMES (1983)




83. "This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in" - Bela Lugosi (Martin Landau) ED WOOD (1994)



84. "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." - Verbal (Kevin Spacey) THE USUAL SUSPECTS (1995)



85. "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K" - Ted Logan (Keanu Reeves) BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (1989)

86. "I know what you're thinking: "Did he fire six shots, or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But, being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya punk?" - Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) DIRTY HARRY (1971)



87. "It was the classic mother B.B. gun block: "You'll shoot your eye out." That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds of mothers, was not surmountable by any means known to kiddom." - Ralphie (Jean Sheppard) A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983)



88. "Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that." - Tree Trimmer (Steven Williams) BETTER OFF DEAD (1985)



89. "No, I have to do this my way. You tell me what you know, and I'll confirm. I'll keep you in the right direction if I can, but that's all. Just... follow the money." - Deep Throat (Hal Holbrook) ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN (1976)



90. " I may go back to hating you. It was more fun." - Roger (Cary Grant) NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1958)



91. "Well, we lost the first game of the season. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. We always lose the first game of the season and the last game of the season. (pause)
AND ALL THOSE STUPID GAMES IN BETWEEN!" - Charlie Brown (Peter Robbins) A BOY NAMED CHARLIE BROWN (1969)



92. "Now that I've met you, would you object to never seeing me again?" - Claudia Wilson Gator (Melora Walters) MAGNOLIA (1999) - this line was lifted from the Aimee Mann song "Deathly".





93. "I was just thinking what an interesting concept it is to eliminate the writer from the artistic process. If we could just get rid of these actors and directors, maybe we've got something here." - Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins) THE PLAYER (1992)



94. "Can you imagine what this man would be like had anyone ever loved him?" - Henry Kissinger (Paul Sorvino) NIXON (1995)



95. "No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!" - Miles (Paul Giamatti) SIDEWAYS (2004)


96. "At this moment, I didn't feel shame or fear, but just kind of blah, like when you're sitting there and all the water's run out of the bathtub." - Holly (Sissy Spacek) BADLANDS (1973)



97. "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it." - Al (Rodney Dangerfield) CADDYSHACK (1980)



98. "Your car is uglier than I am. Oops, that didn't come out right." - Carol (Mackenzie Phillips) AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)



99. "You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill." - Kurtz (Marlon Brando) APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)



100. "You see the whole culture. Nazis, deodorant salesmen, wrestlers, beauty contests, a talk show. Can you imagine the level of a mind that watches wrestling? But the worst are the fundamentalist preachers. Third grade con men telling the poor suckers that watch them that they speak with Jesus, and to please send in money. Money, money, money! If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up." - Frederick (Max Von Sydow) HANNAH AND HER SISTERS (1986)



Take that AFI! 




More later...